Trolls’ Law

I live in an area of the “city” where parking is always an issue, especially in the winter months. Now; I put that word in quotes because the city I’m in is more like a big town with a city-like atmosphere. Not everyone knows one another, but, the setup is similar; it just is not large enough.

Now, the law is simple. Put some little round metallic objects into various machines located in the area, you’ll have to figure out what it looks like depending on what street you are on. After that, you will receive a ticket, or not, depending on the robot you are working with. If you receive a ticket you MUSN’T carry it on your person, but put it inside the car you drove to prove that you are parked legally for the set amount of time in direct correlation to how many little round metallic, big brother approved objects you dispensed into the robot to park in consumer areas. Make sure it is somewhere the trolls can see.

If you carried the ticket, or placed it on the floor or seat of the car where these trolls can’t see, or even put it in the wrong way, you will receive a love note; because of course nobody can forget to buy a ticket! If you get a love note from the troll under your windshield wiper you can choose to either, pay the ticket and not be disturbed with your disgruntled lover or take the matter up to him with some disputations. If you can prove that you are in compliance with the law, you can reduce or dispose of the love note’s asking price; if you do not give them what they want, big brother approved sheets of cotton or dispute, they can make it so you cannot drive your personal robot. That makes life a lot more difficult if you get your sheets of cotton and metallic objects from appealing to consumers in consumer areas.

In the winter, residential areas are also a target for these trolls. Don’t be mad at them though, big brother pays them to do these things that disturb your day because big brother loves you so much, or maybe they love cotton and shiny things; who knows? Anyhow; residential parking laws are a little more tedious than consumer parking laws. During the winter you need to be conscious of what side of the street you park. You see, these relatively and mostly and sometimes flat areas of painted rock that we use as tracks for our rubberized mobilizing aluminum robotic death machines are used by multiple people for teleportation intents and purposes. When we all park on one side when the fluffy white stuff lines, or doesn’t line, the street we are less likely to be involved in accidents that hinder our teleportation. Makes some sense right?

What you have to do is think of tomorrow’s numerical association, let us say that today is Friday the 13th; tomorrow is Saturday the 14th. So tonight you have to think about tomorrow’s date as a map of where to park on the street. So 14 is even; and 14 is the numerical day of tomorrow; therefore you have to park on the side of the street where all the houses are even numbers. So the house numbers with the last digit of 0, 2, 4, 6 and 8 are safe to park at; not 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9. The night of the numerical day 14 you will park on the opposite side (1, 3, 5, 7 and 9). Not too difficult. Exceptions are roads where you can only park on one side; then this doesn’t matter, leave your robot.

Now, if you forget to move your car, or get confused, you are subjected to another love note. They want twenty-five of your lowest denomination big brother approved cotton sheets as a punishment for not obeying the law; and they will be upset if you pay with metallic objects. Again, if you feel your lover is being too harsh you can bring it up to him and he will, of course, correct his wrong. Or hold his breath until he turns blue and you pay your fine; I mean love note.

Occasionally, when you are driving long distance you will come across a beggar station. This station is set up to collect federal cotton, and they will humbly accept handfuls of metallic objects as well. The kicker is that you cannot pass these boxes if you do not have any big brother approved currency in the form of cotton sheets and metallic objects. This is a troll booth. You cannot pass without giving the beggar troll one sheet of lowest denomination cotton or even three sheets and some metallic objects. Maybe even more sometimes! They always get what they want if you want to teleport efficiently. Sometimes these can be avoided, but, sometimes they are made to be a barrier.