He brings you your mail, but you don’t think you have a relationship with them?
To begin with, my credentials as a relationship guru are shit. I will not pose to anyone that I am an expert on anything; that being said, I have always been the advice giving friend. I have always been the “go-to” person in my circle, and even outside of that circle; strangers have approached me, with problems as if I am just giving off this vibration that I care and want to help. I do care, and I do want to help. When the time comes that I need advice, I am given my own advice recycled to fit the context with the heeding, “You should follow your own advice.”
I should follow my own advice. When push comes to shove I preach the age-old communication line and have always been the one, even before polyamory was known to me, to push poly practices and nontraditional views of relationships. I am not an expert on polyamory, I have only heard of the practice a couple years ago. However, when I started to research and experiment with it, I realized just how much I had always been. I will not state that polyamory is THE way! I will, however, express to you that even if you have never met the person who delivers your mail; you have a relationship with that person. And polyamory is just a healthy relationship where you talk to your partner and accept what your partner has to say. You can be “monogamous” with a partner and still explore polyamorous ideals.
From what I’ve gathered; you can love someone who doesn’t fulfill all of your needs and your partner’s needs are just as important as your own. Perhaps your partner, in simple matters, enjoys an activity as innocent as golfing that you find horrendous and unappealing. Should your partner give up golfing just because you hate it? NO! Of course not! That would be unfair of you to ask! Perhaps your partner likes to go to ballet recitals and they put you to sleep; is it so unfair for your partner, lover, girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, wife, etc etc etc to find someone else to accompany them, or to actively participate in something you just cannot wrap your head around enjoying? Is it such a bad thing that someone else can do something for your significant other that you can’t?
Polyamory has defined my relationship ideals, however, I am not one to say “Open up your relationship to all sorts of different things!” Do what makes you comfortable, but the extreme form of monogamy is defined as an abusive relationship. In any account, if your partner has a friend they care about in monogamy, an emotional connection; can be considered “cheating”. Polyamory opens up the communication and defines what cheating is; maybe it is okay for your partner to have friends with which s/he has emotional connections with, but not physical, or vice versa. Just this concept alone could be so beneficial for monogamous relationships. You don’t want your only interactions to be your partner: true monogamy is not for anyone!